And no, I don’t mean that the Troubadours set out every Valentine’s Day just to embarrass me. I mean that they set out to embarrass the entire school. 

For you freshmen and new students that have yet to experience singing valentines, allow me to explain. Every Valentine’s Day, for the bargain price of six dollars, you can send a Troubadour quartet to sing a love song to the victim of your choice, during the school day, and in front of all their peers. Delightful, right? 

And don’t worry—if you were concerned that the Troubadours wouldn’t do their utmost best to show their complete devotion to their subject, rest easy. The Troubadours will completely encircle their target, singing with total enthusiasm and adoration. Even to the teachers, which gets very weird very quickly. 

If your music tastes lean towards enthusiastic acapella renditions of pop songs, you will absolutely adore singing valentines. If your music tastes lean anywhere else, you will still hear enthusiastic acapella renditions of pop songs. 

I don’t mean to imply that I don’t like singing valentines because they’re poorly sung. Quite the contrary: to sing a solo part takes skill and practice, and to harmonize with a quartet shows even more expertise. Each and every one of the Troubadours is a talented musician, and I in no way want to discount their skill. 

I’d just prefer that they sing to someone else. 

Singing valentines are a truly enjoyable spectacle. It’s a thrill to watch the Troubadours march through the hallways, hoping both that they will and that they won’t enter your classroom. It’s electrifying when they do, descending upon their victim who, thankfully, isn’t you. It’s delightful to watch some helpless student squirm under the attention of four incredibly enthusiastic singers and the occasional beatboxer—unless, of course, that student is you.

So enjoy your singing valentines—and hope that your victims forget before next year.