Relationships are integral parts of your high school experience. Whether it be your family, friends or romantic partners, they are everywhere and can be hard to navigate. Luckily for you, Mr. Rutledge has put together a list of advice for your romances!
You may be wondering, “What makes this guy so qualified to tell me how to live my life?” Well, Mr. Rutledge has been happily with his wife since the 10th grade so that’s a lot of time to figure out how to date! At the end of the day, every person and their relationships are different. Some people may not find use in every tip on the list and that’s ok. Take what you need and leave the rest. So, without further ado, the ultimate dating guide from Mr. Rutledge!
- Have realistic expectations. You should understand what a relationship really is, as well as the fact that most high school relationships may not last forever.
“This is my 17th year here at Township, and I see relationships ebb and flow with people,” he said.
Basically, it’s ok for there to be ups and downs, as well as ends and new beginnings; that’s just what life is.
- Along these same lines, Rutledge said that, while you need to set realistic expectations, you also need to set high expectations for how you are treated. As students are learning what they like and dislike in relationships, they need to be vocal, set boundaries and stand up for themselves.
“You deserve to be treated the way you want to be treated,” he said.
- Be exactly who you are. Pretending to be someone you’re not to make someone else like you never works in the long term. You’ll never be truly happy if you aren’t yourself.
“If you don’t like a person for who they are and they don’t like you for who you are, it’s not a good situation,” Rutledge said.
Additionally, don’t compromise your values. He said that he often sees students basing themselves around their partners, which often leaves people unfulfilled or unsure of who they really are. Don’t change your values and don’t expect others to change theirs. Find a person you align with.
- Prioritize your mental health. Yes, you should care about your partner’s mental health and they should be a high priority, but you should never forget yourself and what you need. You should especially never compromise your needs for someone else.
“You are not placing someone ahead of you all the time,” he said.
- Learn to articulate your feelings and thoughts. Often, people will stay silent due to being unable to express themselves or feeling worried about how their partner may react. They may just tolerate behavior that upsets them for the sake of peace. Setting boundaries doesn’t need to be an argument; it’s simply a statement on how you want to be treated.
- Don’t be embarrassed to ask for help.
“That’s not something to be embarrassed of; it’s a sign of strength,” said Rutledge.
You should have a strong support system of family, friends, teachers and counselors who you can confide in when you need to.
Now for some questions from me (a teenager) that you may also be wondering. I asked: “Do you think it’s a good idea to break up for college?” He said it depends. There’s a lot of nuance to college relationships. They can be tough, especially if you’re doing long distance. It all comes back to knowing yourself and your values. If they are your person, then you do it, and if it doesn’t work, then it’s not the end of the world.
Following this, I asked, “Do you believe in the stereotypical college experience?” He said that he doesn’t necessarily think so.
“That sounds like you’re trying to live in a movie,” he said.
Don’t follow what other people think is best for you or what social media says is right; do what’s right for you whether that be to split or not.
“Do you think people go through a period of time in their relationship where they argue more often?” I asked, to which Rutledge said that every relationship will have its ups and downs. If there are no downs, then you may not be as invested in one another as you had previously thought. In general, life is full of challenges, so your relationship will have some too.
If you’ve gotten this far, we hope you’ve learned something useful from this, but if not, here’s the most important thing to take away from this article: relationships should bring you joy, happiness and fulfillment.
“Relationships are wonderful gifts. They make us feel alive,” said Rutledge. You should be investing in relationships that make you happy and don’t waste your time on relationships that don’t fulfill you because time is precious.
The bottom line is that every relationship is different and no list will perfectly encompass your needs. You need to look within yourself, know what you want and who you are and then match that energy in your life. Don’t accept less than what you deserve.
