Have you ever wondered which of your favorite teachers could beat each other in trivia? How knowledgeable are they at their own subjects? And what about how many push ups can they do? Luckily for you, I did the dirty work of interviewing and finding out the answers to these burning questions. Welcome to the first edition of Teacher Showdown!

Our first contestants are Mr. Bear and Mr. Jones. If you don’t know, these two are the high school’s art teachers. Bear is MT’s ceramics instructor while Jones focuses on drawing and painting. 

First, I took a visit to Jones, who was surprisingly excited to participate—mostly because he was fully convinced he would win. To the masses, his name is Mathew Jones; however by night he goes by Planer (a woodworking tool used to smooth wood). Though, long after the interview he begged to change it to Froe, a tool used to make shingles. His alter ego outfit is an old t-shirt and hiking pants with zippers at the knee so they can be turned into shorts. And, of course, I had to ask the age-old question. Would you rather be a human-sized lobster or a lobster-sized human? Human sized lobster was the obvious choice. 

Then, I stopped over to Bear’s room to bother him as well. Unlike Jones, he chose his alter ego’s name to be Frank. Simple yet effective. His go-to outfit is some comfortable jeans and a long sleeve button down. And he, too, chose to be a human sized lobster. Which, when you think about it, would be terrifying to see that the art department had been taken over by crustaceans. And despite such a strong introduction, Bear is adamant that he will lose, while Jones is very positive he will win. I’m glad to know the confidence levels each of them have.

Now that you have met the contestants, let me explain the point system: Every trivia question with a correct answer is one point. However, I am generous and will award half credit for certain answers. The physical strength category is graded by how impressed I am and the morals section is just so you can see how good of a person these teachers are. Pretty simple right? 

So, without further ado; let’s get into the general trivia. This may have been cruel, but I purposefully chose the hardest trivia questions I could think of. Maybe you’ll know them? 

Q: Who wrote the first dictionary? 

Both of them guessed Webster. Which is an honorable guess. And I’ll give them a point because my answer was apparently also wrong. I thought it was Robert Cawdrey. Apparently Samuel Johnson wrote the first English dictionary in 1755. 

Q: Who was the third person to walk on the moon?

Most people also know that Neil Armstrong was the first person to walk on the moon. The second was Buzz Aldrin, but the third? Bear had no clue (valid because who even knows that?). Jones stated that it had to have been Armstrong again, implying that he had gone back to the moon for a second time. Sadly, both of these were wrong, for the third person to walk on the moon was Pete Conrad. 

Q: What is a group of lizards called?

Hint: it starts with the same letter as lizard. Jones said it was called a “gaggle,” while Bear’s adverb was a “harem.” Sadly, the answer is a “lounge.” (Though, I wish they were called harem.)

Q: How many noses does a slug have? 

Jones said zero and Bear said two. Double Bear’s answer and he would have been right because the answer is four. What slugs need to smell is beyond me. 

Seeing as Bear is our ceramics teacher and Jones focuses on drawing and painting; you’d think they’d know a lot about art. Let’s find out if they do. 

Q: Who made “The Scream” painting?

Both got this one right! The answer is Edvard Munch. Though they couldn’t agree on how it was pronounced. 

Q: What artistic movement does the famous painting “The Yellow Christ” belong to?

Hint: it was painted in the 19th century. Bear said that it was Impressionism while Jones had no clue. I decided to take pity on him and said if he can get the first letter then I’d give him partial credit. He guessed E or F, which was wrong. The movement was called Cloisonnism which used bold, flat colors with dark contours. And it technically falls under the Impressionism umbrella. So I’ll award half a point to Bear. 

Q: Where can you find the only piece of artwork that Michelangelo ever signed?

Jones said that it was in Italy, while Bear said the Sistine Chapel. I’ll give both of them half a point. Vatican City is sort of inside Italy and the Sistine Chapel is in Vatican City. So they were pretty close and I was feeling nice that day. 

Onto our next portion, being how well they know each other. I’d hope they know each other pretty well, since they are close coworkers in the same department. First, Bear said his opponent’s name was Matt Jones, which is correct. Luckily Jones also knew that Bear’s name is Dave Bear. Jones’ favorite color is blue, which Bear knew; however Jones guessed that his opponent’s favorite color was red, when it is, in fact, green. Bear was even wearing two green shirts that day! 

Q: How many children do they have?

Bear said Jones has two children and even knew their names! Jones also knows that Bear has three kids, though he didn’t name them. 

Q: What is their favorite medium of art?

Bear guessed that Jones’ favorite medium of art was painting, a good guess seeing as he does teach only drawing and painting classes, but Jones’ favorite is woodworking. Jones knew that Bear’s favorite medium of art is ceramics. And both of them are faithful in that they consider each other friends. Very sweet, isn’t it?

In the final portion, I begged these two on behalf of all of Township to display their physical strength. By doing push ups, of course.

Q: How many push-ups do they think they can do?

Jones guessed a whopping 50; while Bear guessed around ten. Luckily, both were willing to prove this. And trust me, it was amazing. Jones swiftly did 35 before giving up under the guise that he isn’t getting money out of it. Bear then blew me away by surpassing his goal and getting 15! I am very proud of both of them and will award both ten points. Ten for Jones for doing almost eleven times as many as I can do. And ten for Bear for exceeding his own expectations and pushing himself to do as many as he could. 

At this point we know their knowledge on trivia and their physical strength; but who are they on the inside? Really, deep inside, who are they as people? At our core, the human experience is overly complicated. There is, however, a way to simplify it.

Q: Are they more like Batman or the Joker?

I was surprised to find out that Jones felt like he was most like Batman while Bear felt that he was the Joker. Uncoordinated and absolutely hilarious. And just like Batman and the Joker, they go together like peanut butter and jelly. Two good friends who get to teach something they love. That’s what I learned through this whole experience: that they adore their work, which is truly inspiring. 

However, this article can’t end in all sunshine and smiles. There MUST be a winner. Drum roll please!!! The winner, only a half a point ahead is…..Bear! Coming in at a whopping 18 points to Jones’ 17 and a half! Not only did Bear outdo himself on the push-ups, he also won after assuming he wouldn’t. What a turn of events! Many thanks to both participants in this show-down!